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I’ve Got The Blues

December 24, 2010

I’ll admit it, I’ve got the blues.

And it feels good to say it. It does. I suppose it helps having the wonderful Muddy Waters to accompany you.

I don’t particularly know how to describe the appeal of young black men from over half a century ago playing guitar with little accompaniment singing about women that done gone and treat them wrong and not getting no pay from the bossman. The simplicity is what makes it so spectacular I guess. It’s a pattern you can follow, it’s music you can understand, because the fourth and fifth are so distinctive from the tonic (as I’ve discovered when playing with chord progressions).

I guess I can’t explain exactly how I feel right now. I have no particular desire to label any of my personal thoughts in relation to others, so I won’t elaborate particularly. My mother never said if you have nothing good to say about someone then don’t say anything at all, but I like to think she did. Something she did once tell me something though which I do hold close to my heart, that those who speak ill of others reveal more about themselves than those they seek to vilify. Not that I seek to vilify any person, but some things are best internalised.

So finding a meeting point between vague and detailed, I’ve become good friends with loneliness this past week. It’s not always an accurate feeling – I’ve been socialising at work and enjoying myself (plus who dislikes making money?), and had some enjoyable times with my family. After all, it is Christmas tomorrow. Shouldn’t I feel loved, warm and happy?

It’s not that I’ve been constantly unhappy either. I feel I’m beginning to understand what depression feels like – although of course everyone has their own overarching problems. It’s not that I appear to be unhappy constantly, it’s just that certain things lack lustre that they’ve previously had, and that when not in the comforts of friends or with direct imperatives, as my job provides, most activities and thoughts can feel sluggish and uninspired.

This isn’t a cry for help. I’ve got the blues, but they’ll pass. One of my life’s lessons has been that bad times come but they also go. When times are tough, it’s a matter of sitting tight, acknowledging things will get better, and sorting out what the best course of immediate action is.

I miss the company of friends. The last time I’ve seen any particular group of people was last Friday, and while seven days isn’t the longest time ever, in the holidays it draws out like a blade.

Those who know me at all know that I can obsess over certain things, a habit I’m keen to break, but of course we’re all victim to particular issues haunting us. We’re human, and we care about things.  I can regret decisions, although a lot of the time I don’t think it’s regret, but fear of the future and implications. Deep down I know there are very few things that I truly regret and regard as a complete error in judgement.

Is there an underlying message or reason to this? Unfortunately, I’m not sure if there is. I don’t see one in life so I don’t see how one really applies here. After all, we’re all stuck in a huge game of Minecraft, it’s up harvest our own resources and create our own fun.

Unsurprisingly, Lost has been of comfort to me. Occasional sadness, when good characters die, and being forced to witness relationship troubles in every episode isn’t particularly helpful at times, but overall a thrilling ride. An old story of Jack’s, about being in a situation of severe panic, allowing himself a brief period of time to draw in the negative feelings, before cutting them off, has its merits. When you have the blues after all, you can’t ignore it. You have to acknowledge them, recognise them, before allowing yourself to distance yourself from them. It’s a careful crossroads between allowing yourself to wallow in negative feelings and refusing to respond to the pain.

I wish all of you reading this a very merry Christmas. While I’m happy to call myself a grinch, given my strong dislike of carols, I am very happy to be part of a relaxed, enjoyable day with family. Despite the indictments of hearsay and quick judgement, I honestly have little malice in me to care for wishing ill upon others. In fact being the sensitive son of a bitch that I am is a key part of many of my problems.

I wish you all the best. If you know who you are, I wish them even more. You’re unlikely to be even reading this. I hope you are, there’s always the off-chance.

Until a little more colour sets in, I’ve got the blues.


From → Personal

  1. kshizzle permalink

    dude hope you’re right. i know what it feels like, i had it like all of year 10. sometimes the smallest thing ruins your entire day or you just can’t find the motivation for things you originally had. just cling to the things you cherish and realise happiness doesn’t come from the short-term things, it’s in the things that last =]

    and at least you’re not in wollongong. i’m so happy my dad decided to get wireless internet.

    • Aye, it’s just frustrating when drumming can not be done, or when it all feels mechanical. Of course then we have to back to Step 1, which is STOP, and then proceed to Step 2, chill and think.

      I just miss people.

      We’ll chill when you get back from wollongong, but I won’t have the korg until early-mid January.

  2. beldog permalink

    Here for you froob anytime etc etc.
    Actually one thing you mentioned that I found interesting was the sentence about fear of the future and implications; I think that’s something so many people we know atm can relate to & something maybs you could expand on at some point (quelle horror, saying you should talk more).
    Also re: the Christmas point, a lot of the time people get all worked up about how its meant to be a wonderful happy day etc & then it all ends horribly due to expectations & fights. So while you should feel warm, loved & happy, you should probably also be feeling agitation.
    Ceebs having more of my thoughts on the internet, but while it might not get better it’ll get easier fo shiz.
    PS. Tidings etc.

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