Love or Confusion

I fear I may be gradually going insane.

I’ve long blamed this holidays, for after all summertime blues strike hard and they can be unpredictable.

Like many things.

Love and confusion. One can go mad over such things.

Sometimes it’s like it’s Groundhog Day. You have this new journey, but every day you start back in the same place. That is life, but every time you go through an experience it seems to leave you back at square one, because change is little. It’s waking up on the same day, with the same thoughts.

Friends are lovely. Handshakes less so. They can often be burning. They can polarise. They can be insincere.

Other things are undoubtedly sincere that to even state them feels like an understatement, or even insulting. Worse still, they can be stuck behind your teeth, because who wants to bring up past demons, to restore old totems of insecurity. Yet what’s the alternative?

Certainly, we progress. To where though? Was here really that bad? Was there ever a need?

University beckons. I welcome the more stable sense of life, although not its infringement upon my time. I try to be achieve real productivity, yet regardless it never feels like enough. Not enough books, not enough movies, not enough practice.

Rediscovering self-doubt is never easy.

I remain iconoclastic, to the extent that I can. It wouldn’t be fun if it were easy, or if things were always right. If there was nothing wrong, if nothing existed that needed to be changed, the struggle and joy would all end. Nothing of worth comes from nothing.

Yet have I really been struggling? What sacrifice has really occurred, asides from perhaps the convolution of thoughts.

I am naturally inquisitive. I ask many questions. Some know this more than others.

I also talk a lot.

A lot.

Is this love or confusion? Jimi can identify my problems, but he can’t exactly solve them.

Suppose we should all learn from Lennon. Happiness is a warm gun. We’re all mad. It’s what makes life so interesting.

Interesting’s a good word.

I have no desire to infringe upon anybody. We make decisions, we uphold them, we respect others’, and what happens happens. It’s all a game, and it’s not worth getting upset over.

Be excellent to each other, even amongst this urban sprawl of a blog.